ANOTHER month, another heatwave. Yet again, the TV weather forecasters are showing us UK maps swathed in red. At least in mid- and west Cornwall, we can take advantage of being close to two lots of sea breeze – in fact, the skies are looking pretty grey out there as I write this. But still, it’s threatening to be flippin’ hot out there.

A few weeks ago, we waved Daughter off on holiday to equatorial Africa, her rucksack bursting with factor 50 suncream, 50 DEET insect repellent, and lightweight clothing designed to cover as much flesh as possible to further avoid burns and bites.

The irony is, it is probably cooler or at least a more bearable heat over there. Shortly after her departure, we headed off to East Devon with the Other Half’s parents, staying in what was poetically described as a “shepherd’s hut” (although I can’t imagine a shepherd sleeping in the bunk beds we grown offspring had to endure). Upon arrival, we found it as hot as an oven – which, in the absence of an actual oven, might have been useful for cooking pizzas. We’d barely been there 10 minutes when MIL said: “I don’t think I can do this.” (She managed, gamely, to stick it out.)

During the heatwave before that, in June, we travelled to Bristol during a red alert for an outdoor concert. En route, we noticed how it got hellishly warmer the further we drove up the M5, to the point the tarmac was melting. We took our desk fan to be sure of a good night’s sleep – and left it behind. “You won’t find a fan anywhere in town – even the warehouses have exhausted supply,” said my friendly electrical appliances chap in the pannier market. Boo.

But it comes in very handy to be a journalist at times like these, because the world and his mother is spamming you with information and advice about the topic du jour, which in this case is how to remain cool in sizzling temperatures.

The toppermost tips are often counterintuitive, eg. wear more clothes. Style expert Leanna Spektor from online retailer Brand House Direct explained: “Loose layers made from light fabrics can actually be more comfortable than having your skin exposed to direct sun.” We’re talking natural, breathable fabrics like cotton or linen, kept loose for airflow and in light colours to bounce sunlight away - white, cream, beige and pastels.

Or how about the bonkers suggestion that you chill your T-shirt or, ahem, smalls in the freezer before donning them? Simply pop your chosen item into a sealed bag in the fridge/the freezer for around 10 to 15 minutes before you need it (not too long or things might get a bit tricky). Thanks (I think) to Masc Femme Clothing for this one.

Alternatively, says Spektor, wrap a cotton bandana soaked in cold water around your neck, or dampen the ends of sleeves or hems to create a cooling effect as the water evaporates. She also recommends smart accessories such as wide-brimmed hats to keep your face, neck and shoulders shaded, and sunglasses with UV protection to reduce eye strain.

And common sense should prevail when timing your activities. Any Cornwall resident knows to plan outdoor activities for the morning or evening during the holiday season – only mad dogs, Englishmen and tourists go out in the midday sun. “Even the best summer outfit will feel uncomfortable if you’re standing in direct sun at noon,” says Spektor.

What about our four-legged friends? The RSPCA has plenty of pointers for your pets, from water bowls in every room to easy frozen treats (mashed banana and peanut butter – sign me up), and even – the freezer is your friend once again – chilling a small, wet towel for your pet to lie on.

You might wish to keep your home cool in the first place, by keeping curtains, blinds and windows closed during the hottest hours. Professor Gesche Huebner, director of the University of Exeter’s Penryn-based European Centre for Environment and Human Health, advocates for external shading like the shutters, awnings and roof overhangs so common in Mediterranean countries. “Hardly any homes in the UK are equipped with these features,” says Prof Huebner. “Instead, we can make do through measures like hanging a bedsheet from the top of a window or using foil like we do for car windscreens.”

But, she warns, these are temporary solutions for old buildings that weren’t designed with heatwaves in mind. As well as retrofitting them with passive cooling solutions, “we need to look beyond individual dwellings, and create cities and towns that are heat-resilient - for example, through ensuring we’re optimising green spaces to cool our cities.”

That’s certainly food for thought. Talking of which, I need to rearrange my ice creams to make room for my knickers. Catch you later.