A Christmas fable:
Twas three weeks before Christmas and Mum and Dad were laughing as they compiled their Christmas lists. 'I hope your Mum changes her mind and comes to us again this year', says Dad. 'Yes', says Mum, 'it's nice having your parents and Mum as well, they always enjoy each other's company. And let's invite Uncle Henry again, and Cousin Edith'.
'The More the Merrier', laughed Dad.
It was a week before Christmas and Mum and Dad and the family were driving to the Christmas tree farm and the car was full of excited chatter. As they reached the farm they all got out and ran into the little forest of fir trees and Dad measured the trees with his tape measure and within a very short time they had found the perfect tree.
When they got home Dad carried the tree into the house and lo and behold it was exactly the right height for the sitting room. Dad had remembered to find the sturdy tub and special stand for the tree and in next to no time it was ready. The children all gathered round and tied on the decorations and the twins let their little sister climb on Dad's shoulders and place the fairy at the very top.
Then Mum produced two large boxes of chocolate Christmas tree decorations and the children helped to tie them on and promised not to eat them and Mum knew they wouldn't because they had faithfully only eaten one Nativity chocolate each day.
It was Christmas Eve and Mum and Dad arrived back with piles of last minute shopping and all the family sat down to eat the casserole Mum had popped into the oven before they left and then the children put out the mince pie and glass of sherry for Santa and his reindeer and went happily to bed. Mum made the stuffing and got all the vegetables ready for next day and Dad washed up
Later on Mum and Dad sat down and wrapped lots of gifts, and Dad had remembered to buy wrapping paper to wrap Mum's present in. They had two glasses of wine each and after wishing each other a Merry Christmas Eve went to bed.
Christmas Day dawned and the children were up at 7am and opened their presents and everyone loved everything. Dad promised to cook breakfast and the children helped to clear up all the Christmas paper and Mum put the turkey in the oven. Later on Dad took the children for a walk but returned home in time to help set the table and then everyone arrived and opened their presents. Mum loved her angora sweater from her parents-in-law and Dad was delighted that Mum's Mum had bought him a book on angling.
Soon the meal was ready and the turkey was brown and succulent, and the potatoes crisp and golden and the sprouts green and not mushy at all and everyone had a lovely time. Mum's Mum and Dad's Mum reminisced about past Christmas fun and Uncle Henry and Cousin Edith taught the children how to play a card game while Dad and Grandpa washed up. Everyone said how lovely the dinner had been and later on Mum brought out her Christmas cake and Dad's Mum said it was the best she had ever tasted and asked for the recipe.
Later on in the evening when everyone had left and the children were in bed Dad and Mum sat by the fire and agreed it had been the best Christmas ever.
A Christmas story
Twas three weeks before Christmas and Dad was cross because Mum wanted her Mum to come for Christmas day even though it was not their turn and he said Mum ought to know her Mum didn't get on with his parents because she never knew when to hold her tongue. And Mum said 'if you think you're inviting Uncle Henry this year think again because last year he drank a whole bottle of cherry brandy and fell asleep on the lavatory and you had to break the door down because you thought he was dead'.
It was a week before Christmas and the twins were fighting over their Gameboy in the back of the car and little Emily said she felt sick and Mum blamed Dad because they had gone on the A38 when she had told him there were tailbacks at Dobwalls and when they finally arrived at the Christmas tree farm everyone was very cross and Emily was sick. It was nearly dark when they found the tree and Mum said it was too tall but Dad said it wasn't but when they got it home Dad had to saw three feet off it and it was still bent at the top and Dad cut his hand on the saw and said a bad word.
And then Mum asked Dad why he hadn't got the decorations down from the attic and he said he had looked but they weren't there and Mum said they were and lo and behold when Mum climbed up to the attic and laddered her tights there they were. And the twins fought over the decorations and when Emily wanted to put the fairy on the top of the tree they grabbed it off her and she cried, and then they cried and Mum said 'right, no chocolate decorations on the tree this year because last year you ate them all and left the papers hanging there and you've already eaten two Nativity calendars.' And then the tree fell over because Dad hadn't put the stand up properly.
It was Christmas Eve and the family arrived late back from last minute shopping because they hadn't been able to find a parking meter close to the shops and everyone was tired and hungry but Mum had forgotten to buy anything for tea and Dad said it was always the same at Christmas, a houseful of food but nobody allowed to eat it until the 'big day'. So they had beans on toast and Dad opened a bottle of whisky and Mum said she hoped he wasn't going to do what he did every Christmas Eve and get sloshed. The children didn't want to go to bed but they did after Dad said he was going to ring up Santa and tell him not to call, which made little Emily cry and the twins said she was a baby and there wasn't a Santa anyway. Later on Dad and Mum wrapped the rest of the presents and Dad had to wrap Mum's in brown paper because he had forgotten to buy wrapping paper - again. And so they went to bed late.
Christmas Day dawned and the children woke up at 5am and Dad groaned and said he thought he had a touch of flu but mum grunted and said it was more like a touch of Johnny Walker. And by 9am the sitting room was knee deep in paper and Mum was trying to stuff the turkey and dad had already tripped over Emily's new in-line skates.
And Mum discovered the turkey was still frozen and had to put it in a bath of hot water and prise the giblets out with a chisel and Dad said she ought to have read the instructions on de-frosting and Mum said a bad word.
Then everyone arrived and Mum opened her presents from Dad's parents and said how nice, and how she really needed pink woolly bedsocks and a new apron and Dad thanked Mum's Mum for his new tie and said how well green and orange stripes would go with his navy blue suit and Mum kicked him under the table.
Uncle Henry was late because he said he had been to church but Mum said under her breath that it didn't smell like the Holy Spirit was the one who had detained him.
At 2pm the dinner was on the table and the turkey was brown (on one side), the sprouts were a nice yellow but the potatoes were golden and crispy and Dad's Mum said it was so handy being able to buy frozen roasties now, and Mum's lips went all thin and white. They all leaned across the table to pull the crackers and Cousin Edith set fire to her sleeve as she caught the candle and Dad had to squirt her with the soda fountain which made the twins laugh. Little Emily said she felt sick.
Then Mum and Dad went into the kitchen to get the Christmas pud and Dad tried to light it but it kept going out until he poured half a bottle of brandy on it and then the holly went with a whoosh and Dad said two bad words.
After the meal Mum washed up and everyone fell asleep except Uncle Henry who agreed to play Monopoly with the twins in their room until Mum noticed the cherry brandy was missing and found him asleep on one of the bunks holding a 'get out of jail free' card.
Later they all had tea and Christmas cake, which Dad's Mum said was a bit dry and Mum's Mum said at least her daughter made her own cake and didn't buy it at the Co-op like somebody's daughter she could mention did.
And Mum went into the kitchen and drank a whole tumbler of sherry down in one gulp.
Later, when everyone had gone home and the twins were in bed and Emily and recovered from being sick, Mum and Dad sat in front of the television and ate nuts and raisins and dates and satsumas and opened the bottle of Cherry Brandy they had hidden in the hall cupboard.
'I think it went quite well', said Dad. 'Yes', said Mum, 'It's nice to have a real family Christmas'.